i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Someone came in the potted fern
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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