it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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