shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
