I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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