It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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