You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
