whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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