I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think i have two assholes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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