Jerry, you need to find god
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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