So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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