If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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