Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
high people should be assigned attendants
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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