I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
