you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She bit a glass in half.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
