Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
