im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
