Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
