Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
