the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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