A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
