The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
