i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize