Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
