i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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