Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
