well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
