Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize