There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
