drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
