even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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