What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
