physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
