I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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