Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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