My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
