i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wear drunk well.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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