I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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