Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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