The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
