i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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