the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
