I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
