You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
