I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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