This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
