I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
