yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
