I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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