He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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