Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
