Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize