dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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