I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
