I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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