I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize