i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize