Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
