I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize