I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
