'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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