there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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