Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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