it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
